Echoes in the Mirror #3 -Getting to the Atlas of Your Heart: Speaking the Language of Emotions
A friend of mine recently brought up a memory from one of her past relationships. She shared how she could never seem to fully connect with a partner in that relationship; it was as if he couldn’t quite understand why she felt certain ways. From time to time, she could see his emotions surface through tone, facial expressions, or even body posture, yet he couldn’t acknowledge them. She described herself as warm and caring, while he was a brilliant thinker and problem solver. Still, both of them felt as though there was an invisible wall standing in between. The connection they longed for always seemed just out of reach.
Her reflection stayed with me. It reminded me of moments in my own life when I felt similar gaps.
Just about a few years ago, my leadership coach brought up the Myers–Briggs assessment, suggesting I identify my style to address the emotional tension I experienced with a few senior leaders at work. I was admittedly grumpy about her idea; no one at work ever used Myers–Briggs anymore. However, she insisted I revisit the model, and that was the moment the “Thinking” and “Functioning” attributes began to make new sense.
In Myers–Briggs, people often identify as either “Thinking” (T) or “Feeling” (F). These labels are about how we act or feel.
Thinkers tend to rely on logic and principles, while feelers prioritize harmony and empathy. Both are essential for healthy human relationships, and both have shadow sides.
If we lean too far into thinking, we show the tendency to over intellectualize or suppress emotions, instead of staying open to experience them. If we lean too far into feeling, we are led by emotion, losing the perspective that helps us cool down and discern.
The balance comes when we recognize that emotions carry certain signals: they tell us what matters, not necessarily what exactly to do.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) calls this integration the “Wise Mind”: the place where the emotional mind and rational mind meet to inform one another. In relationships, this means slowing down enough to observe before reacting, to check in with ourselves, hold what’s happening, give it space to process, and express it clearly and patiently.
The journey of learning to make emotional connections has nothing to do with becoming “softer.”
The next time you sense a Thinking-Feeling disconnect with a fellow human, pause, take a breath, and check in with yourself first:
What am I actually feeling right now?
What value or need might this emotion be pointing toward?
How can I express that in a way that balances my truth and care?
What’s a safe way to communicate where I’m at?
How can I resolve the disconnect while supporting the relationship itself?
What action can I take to improve the moment, the conflict, or misunderstanding?
Emotional fluency helps everyone, the thinkers and feelers, learn to travel the human experience together with more kindness and clarity.
The blog posts shared by Meet at the Mirror are for reflection and community purposes only and are not intended as therapeutic or professional support.
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